Books, Films, and Other Things You Should Discover, In No Particular Order

  • Volbeat (music)
  • Autumn by David Moody
  • Martyrs (film)
  • Yourself
  • Ralph Waldo Emerson (author/philosopher)
  • John Saul (author)
  • John 5 (music)
  • Dawn of Ashes (music)
  • Hocico (music)
  • Grendel (music)
  • Psyclon Nine (music)
  • Bhutan (country)
  • Caodaism (religion)
  • Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill (book)
  • Vincent by Tim Burton (short fim)
  • Sugar (short film...adorable!!)
  • Spider (short film)
  • Alice's Adventures In Wonderland by Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (book)
  • To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (book)

Friday, August 31, 2012

And just when you think you are recovering, you are knocked right back into the ocean in which you were drowning not ten seconds earlier.......

So this is going to be short but not so sweet. To the friends that have stuck by my side recently, thank you. To everyone turning their backs on me and talking behind my back and stuff? Fuck you. Seriously. I know it's hard to understand but I suffer from a medically diagnosed mental disorder. They don't even know what it is, so as for right now I get to be classified as "mood disorder other than known." That means THEY DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. This is a time in which I need EVERYONE in my life to be supportive. Right now, I feel completely alone. I feel completely abandoned. I feel like there is no point in trying to heal, and that I should just leave things as they have always been, because I finally take the steps to get healthy, and everyone close to me shits all over me. My mom is constantly bitching at me because I'm not good enough at home, because I have no motivation to clean up around the house unless it is for Klaira. The man I thought was in love with me as much as I was with him, that I thought was willing to stick by my side and be the one person I could run to and jump in his arms and hear how everything is going to be okay, wakes up one day and doesn't love me anymore, and says he doesn't even know why. I can't get out of bed in the morning anymore without wondering who is going to abandon me next. I feel like a complete burden to everyone, because they have to worry about what mood I'm going to be in next, or what I might say that THEY assume is going to be asshole-ish. That is all just THE PRESENT. That doesn't include my past, which consists of EVERY SINGLE MAN THAT SHOULD HAVE LOVED ME TURNING ON ME minus my grandfather and my brother and my male cousins and uncles. Oh yeah and the dogs, because you know THEY aren't bred to be loving no matter what you are like at all. I don't even know how to properly express my feelings and emotions because I WAS NEVER ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY. So a little piece of advice: to everyone who is being a complete dick lately and has left me to rot in the dust, keep in mind that I'M SICK AND I NEED SOMEONE TO BE HERE TO HELP ME. I. NEED. SUPPORT. For now, that is all. Off to spend time with my daughter, because she doesn't feel good and she actually needs me in her life. No witty goodbye here, just a great big fuck you!! to everyone who has turned their backs on me. What's the point in healing anymore?!?!?!