And What A Journey It Has Been....

Where to begin.... It has been a very, very long time since I decided to come here and let go of all that has been in my mind. Within that time, I have come to learn many lessons and experience many things. I guess this calls for a summary: 10 Things I Have Recently Learned 1.) Trust your instincts. 2.) No man is worth crying over, or accepting pain he is dealing to you. 3.) A baby is the most wonderful, beautiful blessing the gods can give someone. Ever. 4.) That baby will make you set goals and experience things with the type of bravery and determination you never thought you had within yourself. 5.) In all the world, there is always one place you belong-but you never realize it until it smacks you in the face and screams at you. 6.) Dance cures all. Period. 7.) Everyone needs a niche that they can turn to in order to center themselves and focus on the world. 8.) Depression and anxiety are equally..well, a bitch. 9.) Any battle worth fighting is a battle worth losing a few times in order to stand up and go all melee in order to win. 10.) In your times of greatest need, people you never thought would turn their backs on you, will. You have to learn to lean on the person standing there holding you up, or you will push them too far and they will walk away from you. Sometimes, they come back; if they do, you better do your best to keep them there. My Life In A Nutshell Since I Last Blogged: I allowed a man to move across the country for me. I wound up supporting HIM, instead of the other way around, or even equally dealt across the table. I got pregnant, after making a horrible, horrible decision while "in love." Target fired me for being pregnant, because I called out after puking all night and being dehydrated. Baby Klaira Lee was born on February 25, 2012. On March 3, 2012 I kicked her father out of my home because he would not help me with her and would not hold a job-COULD NOT hold a job, for the VERY brief time he had one. In the beginning of April, he finally left-then quickly stopped contacting me, therefore turning his back on my daughter. Yes-MY daughter. Anyways, towards the end of March 2012 I met the man that would prove to me that love truly did exist, when he came to have dinner with my mom, Klaira, sister and I unexpectedly. From there, we became best friends; in fact, that night we began to get to know each other better via text and e-mail. Since then, he has been my rock and my foundation. (Sure, that only makes sense to me maybe, but..eh.) April 2012 my parents divorced and my father moved out. I started school (not disclosing the location here, for professional reasons)to study to become an X-Ray Technologist. That's right: I do things best in the dark. ;] I also began to fall into a deep anxiety and depression, both of which are still affecting me horribly today-more than anyone in the entire world realizes, because I don't talk about things much. I don't know how to. Last week, I went to my first appointment with a counselor. She is recommending group therapy, one-on-one therapy, EMDR sessions, and medications. Really, that is supposed to make me feel better? Think I left last week honestly feeling like a complete..well, fuck-up. Who really needs ALL of that treatment, just to control their moods?! Tomorrow is the first official session (one-on-one). When I left last week, she really seemed eager and almost excited to be able to help me. It made me feel like someone, somewhere, might actually be able to not only help me through my "bullshit" and "drama" but UNDERSTAND me for once-something that I rarely feel anymore. On that note: Today In A Nutshell This morning, I started a new class. My teacher is..well, strict to say the least. This class consists of very boring material. I am very glad that I have a couple of really good friends in that class with me, that I met a few classes ago. I actually feel as if I belong when I'm at school, and I'm thankful every day for the amount of positivity that they help create. I can just be myself while there, and that is a big thing for me. Spent the rest of the day driving my mom's friend from his work to get his car, then ran by the grocery store, then came home. It dawned on me while driving how little of a life I really have outside of school and teaching dance (oh yeah-never gonna stop that one) and my beautiful daughter. I truly need to get out more-but that requires money, which I don't have, and a car, which I no longer have either. I was so excited to go to Target on Friday to buy freaking diapers that it was ridiculous. *insert facepalm action here* So, it's 9:31pm, and time for me to leave this blog for my newfound love called Pinterest, because it's been a few days and I have lots of pinning to do-like a boss, of course. Recital is in June; my music is due within the next two weeks (preferably one). The only thing I need is a song appropriate for 6-8 year old hip-hop kids. The theme? Circus. Yeah, that's right. HOW THE HELL???? Lmao. Thankfully, I know people. (Thank you Ryda <3) Later dudes. P.S. Thinking of doing some film reviews here and there. Thoughts? Any reviews you want to hear? <3 P.S.S. For you, Pavlock: *sexy stuff* <3