So guys, it has been a *long* few weeks. I've had to deal with alot of growing-not only my own, but my family's as well. My brother has graduated high school *YAY!!* and began his adult life. The relatives have gone home, and I've taken some reflection time on myself and am starting a journey of healing. Oh!! I've started a 365 project-you take one picture and upload it per day. Mine has to do with memories from each day..if interested you can find my link here: http://365project.org/ninjettekarma07/365 . You don't have to join to see my pictures. ;]
I posted this up as a note on my Facebook page but thought it would be beautiful here as well, for those of you that don't have Facebook but read through my blog. <3 So, here you are-my returning post, with a new promise to update as much as I can..things are changing, so it won't be every day, but I promise to try my best. <3
"So, I was going to put this in my sacred journal, the one I write my deepest thoughts in-but it is too beautiful to keep hidden away from the world, so here I am writing in this place instead.
I went to the library today while Chrix and Mikey were going to the mall. I forgot my library card at home, but figured I could convince the man working the desk to give me a "get out of jail free" card-no worries baby, he's gay and his boyfriend sits next to him at the same desk. Lol. I only took the two books off of the reservation shelf-because I'm a nerd like that. I walked to the desk, the man said he saw me check out books almost every other day (sadly, that is not a lie) and said it wasn't a problem, but next time not to forget my library card because he might not be working and I'd be..well, screwed. After checking out my books, I walked outside to head back to my car. There is usually at least one homeless man hanging outside of the library-not asking for change or bothering anyone, but just because they have nowhere else to go in this city. It's sad, really, and I hope one day I will be able to purchase and donate a room to those in need of a place to stay.
Anyways, as I was walking out to my car, I noticed that there weren't any around..strange, I thought, but I kept going to my car. I've made sure to bring along an extra water or two for anyone that looks thirsty, because well..this is Phoenix, AZ and the temperature can reach 122 in the middle of the summer. Homeless or not, and regardless of their background, they deserve the chance to survive.
There is a park that is just down the road from the library-maybe a five minute drive. It has statues in it of random people, and I've been there before. I'm working on a 365 project currently, where you take a picture a day, and inside of the park is a statue that completely fascinates me and warms my heart. I thought it would be a beautiful representation of a beautiful day, so I brought along my camera for a few quick pictures on the way back here.
I parked my car across the street and after safely crossing (always use the crosswalks folks) began my descent into the park. It was a beautiful day today-my temperature gauge in my car read 99 degrees Fahrenheit, but while walking around it definitely did not seem that hot. There is a circular path that takes you through the park, so I decided just to follow that path. Boy was I surprised at the end of it.......
I was walking around, snapping pictures here and there of beautiful things...check out the folder I'll be making in a few if you want to see them..I'll probably title it something that has to do with this story, because it is well deserving. Anyways, as I reached the end of the pathway, I noticed a homeless man sitting in the shade by the statue I had originally came to photograph. He wasn't directly in front of it, but as I stopped to take a picture, he smiled at me-so I smiled back. I always do, because smiles go a long way, whether you notice that or not. He waved me over, and luckily I had an unopened water bottle with me..I grabbed it as a "just in case" thing, since I hadn't used it at the library door like I usually do. As I approached him, he smiled again, and the first thing I noticed was the look in his eyes. You just know pain and suffering when you see it-I don't care how cold-hearted of a person you are, there is always the look that bothers you right down to your core when you know someone has had a rough past. I didn't sit down like he wanted..you can never be too careful...but as I got closer and closer I began to have a feeling of peace, one that I haven't felt in awhile, especially around strange men. The first words out of his mouth were "please, don't call the cops on me for asking you to come over, I'm not a bad person and I'm not here to hurt you." I just smiled and said "Sir, I won't call the cops on you. I like meeting new people and their social status does not bother me." I handed him the water bottle, and told him it was unopened but that I didn't need it. He took it and drank about half of it in one gulp, lol, then looked back up at me. His next words, I will never forget:
"I don't know why I've stopped you, and I don't even know who you are. I live here in this park and I saw you walked and just received this sudden urge to speak with you. I'm not a psychic or anything, and I really don't want to freak you out-but I just need, really need, to tell you that you are going to be okay, that everything is going to be okay. You have a man that loves you deeply, inside of his heart, and he is going to be the strength you need-so let him do that for you. Don't be stubborn. I just need to tell you that you're beautiful inside and out....please don't call the police on me, because I don't mean it in a harassing way, I just felt the need to tell you. I won't bother you any more..thank you for the water and I hope to see you around sometime, with your love, and children."
It was then that I shook his hand and thanked him. He asked my name, and I told him, and I asked his in return, and he told me too. I told him that his words meant more to me than he will ever understand. He said "God bless you", and I said "Thank you, I wish the same for you as well." It was then that I explained I was in a hurry to come home, and told him that I hoped to see him around again-and then that I hoped I never saw him again, because he deserved a wonderful place to live, with wonderful things. I think we both had a moment where we were teary-eyed and I took that moment to bow away.
You see, sometimes, you ask for a sign. Many times, you miss that sign. The times you need that sign the most, are the times when it is a direct smack to the face. I'm not Christian, in fact I believe in Gods for everything, and I'm not trying to say he was an angel, or Godsent, or anything like that. However....I did a lot of asking and realizing today, with Chrix's help, on many many things. I realized it is time to let go-that I can no longer let my past rule my life. I realized there is a journey of growth that I need to step foot on, and that while it will be painful, I am not alone-that my soulmate is beside me, and together we will beat down my past and overcome it. I realized that I have been weak-no longer will I allow the small things to bother me, nor will I allow fear to hold me back.
Today, I shook my signs hand. His name was Joe, and he lives in the park near the library. I have never met or seen him before...and I have the most wonderful feeling that I will never see him again."